Van Land

The Van Land Experience

Visitors can enter this high-production-value attraction for a fee of $16 for one person or $32 for a pair to explore a curated collection of six distinct "worlds." The atmosphere is treated with the gravity of a major theme park, featuring a dedicated host who insists on a certain level of decorum, including the mandatory removal of hats. While the fleet is maintained in a "pristine" aesthetic, the vehicles vary in functionality; some are equipped with wheels, while others are stationary and held upright by various items tucked underneath. When questioned about the nature of the site, management maintains a clear philosophy: "One person's junk is another man's junk yard."

A Diverse Fleet

The property houses a variety of themed vehicles, including the "under the sea van," the "in a lake van," the "frozen van," the "Candy Land van," and the "Toy Town van." A popular highlight is the "dusty rose van," which was originally a dust van before the owners transitioned it into a floral display. To welcome new customers, the business provides half a dozen roses upon arrival, with the remaining half presented as a parting gift. However, the fleet faces some literal environmental challenges, including a van that has become waterlogged and frozen in the earth due to a sinkhole and a culvert running into the ground.

Stunts and Influence

Beyond the vans, the attraction features a controversial stunt show utilizing trained rats capable of high-level feats. These rodents have been known to be aggressive, occasionally hitting or kicking spectators during performances. This "wild" element has recently caused a public health crisis, as the rats have overrun the kitchen of the neighboring Shegrinnies during its soft opening. Operating with a "web" that "runs long and smooth," the business exerts significant influence over the area, demanding that Shegrinnies "fold to the ways of Van Land" and enter into a partnership where the business can make local problems "all go away."

The Sky Palace Expansion

Van Land is currently undergoing a massive vertical expansion as Nathan establishes a "van land in the sky." From a "Sky Palace" apartment on the 18th floor, Nathan oversees the brand's growth, which now boasts a fleet of seven vans on the ground. This expansion is driven by an intense ideology to "sterilize" neighborhoods using the ideals of Shegrinnies. To support this new lifestyle, the family is fostering rats within their apartment. The Sky Palace also serves as a hub for a personal collection of black garbage bags filled with Tupperware, rubber bins, metal, screws, and stacks of National Geographic magazines.